This fall, Rivendell School hosted an insightful Speaker Series for parents through ISACS (Independent School Association Central States), kicking off with renowned therapist, author, and anxiety expert Lynn Lyons. In her engaging talk, Lynn explored the common anxiety traps we fall into as parents and how we can better support our children in managing worry and anxiety.
Managing Student Anxiety
Lynn emphasized the importance of shifting our focus from temporary tools—like fidgets and stress balls—to understanding the broader patterns and processes that underpin our children’s anxiety. While these tools may offer immediate relief, they don’t address the root causes of anxious feelings. Instead, Lynn encouraged parents to recognize and tackle the underlying patterns that lead to anxiety.
One major pitfall she discussed is the tendency to embrace avoidance—removing or steering clear of situations that trigger anxiety. While this may seem protective, it ultimately exacerbates anxiety and robs children of the chance to learn how to cope with discomfort.
The Three Ps
Lynn also introduced the "3 P’s" of anxiety: passive, permanent, and pathologizing. These perspectives can lead children to define themselves solely by their anxiety or depression, creating a narrative that they cannot change.
A key takeaway from her talk was the relationship between parental anxiety and children’s experiences. Research shows that anxious parents are seven times more likely to have anxious children. In their efforts to help, parents may unintentionally limit their children’s autonomy by shielding them from uncomfortable situations. Lynn reminded us that there is no "anxiety gene"; instead, anxiety often develops through generational modeling.
What You Can Do
So, what can we do as parents? Lynn urged us to cultivate big-picture skills and work on altering our relationship with worry and anxiety. Since anxiety thrives on certainty, teaching our children to navigate uncertainty is crucial. We can empower them by reframing anxiety as a manageable part of life. Naming anxiety and taking proactive steps can help demystify it, encouraging open dialogue about problem-solving in anxious situations.
Moreover, Lynn highlighted a common tendency among parents to accommodate or eliminate problems. Instead, we should encourage our children to face discomfort and embrace their nervousness. Avoidance only reinforces anxiety.
She concluded her talk by sharing valuable insights on screen time: all screen-related activities are linked to lower levels of happiness, while non-screen activities foster greater joy and satisfaction. Encouraging our children to engage in independent play and problem-solving—both alone and with peers—can significantly enhance their emotional well-being.
Empowering Our Children
Overall, Lynn’s presentation provided parents with practical strategies to help their children develop resilience in the face of anxiety. By focusing on fostering autonomy and embracing discomfort, we can empower our children to navigate life’s uncertainties with confidence.
