As part of our continuing efforts to support our parents and caregivers, we have partnered again this year with ISACS (Independent School Association of the Central States) to offer the Parent Webinar Series. The first Webinar was presented by Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist, author and adolescent development expert. The following is a brief summary of the webinar and the key points. For more information on future webinars, reach out to Rivendell office.
Webinar Summary: Helping Kids Thrive in School
Core Message: School stress is normal and even necessary. What matters is recovery, adaptability, and emotional durability.
- Stress is Normal
- School is like strength training, kids grow by working at their limits.
- Stress isn’t bad; what matters is how kids manage it.
- Parents should reassure kids: “It’s supposed to be hard, that’s how you grow.”
- Recovery is Essential
- Growth = stress + rest.
- Sleep is the #1 recovery tool (Elem ~11 hrs, Middle ~10 hrs, High ~9 hrs).
- Recovery looks different for each child: sports, quiet time, pets, hobbies.
- Guilt-free rest is as valuable as work.
- Tech can be okay in moderation, help kids reflect if it’s truly restorative.
- School Builds Adaptability
- Kids must do work they don’t like and adapt to teachers they wouldn’t choose.
- Both intrinsic (interest) and extrinsic (grades/rewards) motivation are valid.
- Use the “buffet” metaphor: some classes are favorites, others are “beets” they must eat for growth.
- Praise adaptability: doing good work even with difficult teachers.
- Emotional Durability
- Mental health = feelings that fit the context + managing them well.
- Distress is normal; what matters is healthy coping.
- Healthy coping = relief without harm (music, friends, pets, rest).
- Parents act as “emotional garbage collectors”, listen without fixing right away.
- Ask: “Is this uncomfortable or unmanageable?” Practical Tips.
- Set routines: consistent time/place for homework.
- Encourage earlier homework completion.
- Build strong habits in elementary years: effort, quality work, routines.
- Support perfectionists: excellence is good, but “good enough” is often enough.
- Partner with schools only when challenges are unmanageable, not just uncomfortable.
Key Takeaway: School stress is healthy when paired with recovery. Parents can support kids best by focusing on rest, adaptability, and emotional durability rather than removing all discomfort.
